I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
