Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
