You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
