Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
