the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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