she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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