When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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