So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
