3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
