She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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