I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I will die if light touches me.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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