Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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