He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
i think my cat just said my name.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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