He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
