I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
