I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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