I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
