in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
