I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
