So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
