Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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