Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
