So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
