How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I can't put those talents on a resume
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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