i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
