Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
