Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
