On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
