What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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