Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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