I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
