You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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