Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
