omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He had one of those small greek statue penises
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
