Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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