i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
