Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
