Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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