There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Boobs speak an international language.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
