it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
