Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
