You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i barfeds in our rink
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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