My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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