Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
