Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
