Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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