Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
