What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
