I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
