Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
