have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
