I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
