So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
