I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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