She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize