Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
