the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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