I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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