dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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