By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
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I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
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Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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