my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He passed out mid-signature
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
