worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
