we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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