I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
