Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
