Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i wish my penis had a tongue
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
