A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
