my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
