i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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