Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
