After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
