Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
