You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize